Healing with Kintsugi Boudoir

Celebrating each others unique differences

Healing with Kintsugi Boudoir

Celebrating each others unique differences

Healing with Kintsugi Boudoir:

Being broken in your past makes you MORE beautiful today, not less.

 

Years ago, I saw a meme on Facebook about the ancient Japanese art of repairing pottery called “Kintsugi”. There was a photo with a ceramic pot and it had gold leaf where it’s cracks used to be talking about how things that are broken are not worse than they were before, but that they can go back to how they were before; and sometimes, maybe, even be BETTER.

I had only been shooting boudoir for a little bit but I knew one day that I would LOVE to set up a Kintsugi boudoir photoshoot like this. Boudoir photography, ceramics, and painting? Kintsugi boudoir?!?! Literally my three FAVORITE things wrapped up into one.

But then I started gathering my own scars and stretch marks and suddenly this idea seemed like a lot to handle. It wasn’t like I was ever afraid to show my scars or physical traumas, but I struggled with imposter syndrome the more and more I thought about doing it.

 

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In my own experience, when you survive cancer and life goes back to the mundane and you have things to do like oil changes and folding laundry all the time, there isn’t really a space to hold the traumas that you went through. I often feel like when I talk about that time, I tell myself to “sit down and shut up” because there are people out there that fought and lost, and people who are still going through it worse than I was.

BUT at the same time feeling like I wanted to show everyone that life post medical trauma can still be beautiful and it doesn’t take away your ability to be and feel sexy. The brain is a WILD place, and it took me a few years on internally processing these feelings to start talking about them, which is when this idea kept popping up again in the back of my head.

At every shoot, I tell women and people in the studio that it doesn’t matter how big or small their issues are to the world, if it’s a big deal to YOU then you deserve the space to deal with it. Which is 1000% what I truly believe, but it’s hard to award yourself the same kindness. WAY EASIER said than done, am I right?

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The traditional Kintsugi process starts by a Japanese lacquer master piecing the ceramic pieces back together with a lacquer made of tree sap. They will use this as glue or even as putty to fill in missing broken pieces.

It’s important to note that this lacquer process can take weeks before it is dry and ready for the next step. The next step is to sand the lacquer down to fit the ship of the piece, and then finally you can paint the gold on the very top.

“Finally, the lacquer master will paint over the lacquer seams with gold. It’s a common misconception, Saratani noted, that the entire mending process is done with gold; it’s really just the surface.” – Gen Saratani, Japanese Lacque Restorer

When I was thinking about this process and how it can be an analogy to our own healing, the lacquer process REALLY stuck out to me. In our own healing, you have to pick up the pieces of yourself and stick them back together with something new and with a different perspective of yourself SLOWLY. THEN you have to get into the hard work of sanding down those new pieces of yourself to meet the old parts of you.

AND THEN the best part comes after that, acceptance. The beautiful, shiny, and fresh part of your healing. The part that you can show off to people and say “Look how far I’ve come, let me show you how you can too!” The part that allows you to CONTINUE to live your life. You are back together, LIKE-new, but with some reminders of how far you’ve come. 

 

 

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I decided this year was going to be the year that I really faced my own issues head on. I started working on traumas I didn’t even KNOW I had and that popped up along the way, and I decided this year was going to be the year to host this Kintsugi Boudoir shoot. This year was going to be the year that I showed people what life after colon cancer looks like and NOT belittle my own experiences along the way. #SurvivorsGuiltIsSuperCool!

I put this idea out on our VIP Facebook group, scheduled the date and created time slots. There were TONS of people interested, and so many people sharing their stories. ALL so that they could help other people accept themselves and make sure they didn’t feel so alone, because they all know EXACTLY what that feels like.

The time slots filled up in a matter of hours, and the stories that poured in were a mixture of scars that came from happy stories and ones that came from scary situations. And as we got closer to the shoot, I gave instructions on what to wear and what to expect, BUT I don’t think any of us actually expected it to go the way that it did.

Which was: whole hearted, mind blowing, awe inspiring personal accomplishments for every person that attended.

Together we were able to break down our walls, face our issues head on, and capture imagery that will not only inspire other people, but inspire ourselves. When we look at the photos we created together on this day, we get to remind ourselves that we are powerful and capable humans who have overcome and will continue to overcome.

 

 

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I can look at my own photos from the Kintsugi boudoir shoot and know that these “cracks” make me who I am and like a groggy hand thrown piece of pottery, I TOO should be taken care of and cherished after I’ve been broken.

I can look at these photos and not compare my scars to other people’s, because I know that every persons “cracks” are completely unique to them and THAT is what makes them beautiful humans.

So without further ado, I want to share with the world the stories of these wonderful and unique humans who have not only gone through shit, but who decided to take that shit and turn it into something inspiring.

And never forget, we are ALL a little broken and life is hard, so surround yourself with the people that will stand in their underwear and paint you in yours.

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TRIGGER WARNING; Sexual and domestic abuse, suicide medical trauma, eating disorders, religious abuse, mental health trauma, weight loss. Some participants of his project chose to only share non-identifying anonymous photos for the safety of themselves and their families, and every person that attended received additional aftercare instructions and resources to help further their healing.

Creator’s note: This Kintsugi Boudoir shoot was an open invitation to a private Facebook group of our boudoir followers. This is in no way captivating EVERY type and kind of person that physical and mental trauma affects. Our hope is that you can see a variety of people in these photos, but know that these things happen to other types of people not yet represented in this project. Our (the photographers and the shoot participants) goal is to show you that it doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside, you are all worthy of validation and a safe space to heal, AND to be celebrated regardless of where you are in the process. Some people have chosen to stay anonymous due to the nature of their own personal story.

Tirena

 (she/her)

My stomach scars are from hours of waist training, it’s been a part of my training process, sometimes your body doesn’t want to shrink down to size, it’s a reminder you can try to hide, shrink down to size but maybe you’re not suppose to. My scars are part of my journey as evolving as a woman. So a couple battle scars are OKAY I’ve been through a lot and I’m proud I’m handling life through all the ups and downs, bruises, scars, marks and all.”

Anonymous

“I have stretch marks all over my body, I was 350 pounds at one point but the stretch marks started before the weight, they began with my height in 6th grade on my knees. During highschool and college I put on double my body weight and eventually decided I needed to love my body again but that involved me changing my lifestyle. I have lost 180 pounds in the last 5 years. I just turned 30 and I want to celebrate how hard my body has worked for me, self love is a newer concept for me and I think my stretch marks tell an incredible story.”

Sandy

(she/her)

“The majority of my scarring is emotional. I am a survivor of domestic violence in 2017 that left me with PTSD symptoms that I struggle to manage on a daily basis. Though the bruising and indications of abuse may have faded, the anxiety and panic attacks and depression often feel just as real as those marks once were. I have an extensive history of trauma and I believe metaphorically my emotional scarring could paint my whole body gold. I am very proud of myself though for my resilience and ability to keep going when time and time again the world seems to be against me and I think it’s a beautiful to view your scars as signs of strength. I do not have any major scarring on my body but I do have stretch marks from my weight fluctuation which are a constant reminder of how body dysmorphia can really make it challenging to accept that your body is beautiful exactly how it is. I now see them as my tiger stripes which can be filled with gold to show that my body is exactly as it was meant to be and that it should be celebrated.”

Marysia

(she/her)
 
“My left arm is full of scars from when I self-harmed 17 years ago. As a child, I went through some pretty upsetting stuff which I bottled up for years. Unfortunately, I ended up taking it out on myself in my teenage years. I’ve since gained a lot of self-confidence, some closure from my past, and learned healthy ways of coping with my emotions. I no longer hide my scars, and I’m at a place where I’d rather people ask instead of just stare or judge. I’m not who I was 17+ years ago and I deserve to be seen for who the strong and resilient woman I am today. My scars are only a part of my story, and I’m so grateful to have taken part of the kintsugi boudoir photoshoot. Having a safe place and accepting people cheering me on was such a relief.”

Kolleen

(she/her)
“Growing up in poverty, food insecurity and disordered eating broke me over and over again throughout my youth, teen years, and into adulthood. My obesity came from fear and an instinct to survive that triggered lifelong binge-eating habits. I lived in shame of the habits I felt too powerless to break from. I hated the person I had become, but I so badly wanted to love her. I made a tough love decision to undergo gastric sleeve surgery. After changing my diet, my habits, going through physical therapy, walks, hikes, runs, yoga, ballroom dance, and boxing, I had lost 140 lbs. Looking in the mirror, there was no question in my mind (although I’d never considered it even months prior): I was going to have plastic surgery to address the areas of my body that had been impacted by my rapid weight loss and continue toward becoming the physical self I saw in my mind’s eye.
My scars are from my extended belt lipectomy (lower torso), breast lift and augmentation, and torsoplasty, as well as stretch marks that will always be there to remind me of the incredible malleability of the human body. In August, I’ll be adding to my Kintsugi with an arm lift and thigh lift as well.
I am beautiful and strong *because* I’ve been broken — not despite it.”

Sarah

(she/her)

 

“I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2021. I had a non-nipple sparing bilateral mastectomy. I then had a chemo port inserted near my arm pit and had 6 chemo treatments. My breast reconstruction was done in a 10.5 hr surgery using my abdominal fat and skin. I have an abdominal scar that runs from hip to hip. My nipples were reconstructed in a separate surgery. The final stage will be nipple tattoos, but this is scheduled for 4 months from now. So now I am working to heal myself physically and mentally from all this, my hair is slowly growing back. And eventually my scars will fade. But this experience has left deep scars inside that i expect will take much longer to heal.”

Jamie

“Pregnancy and motherhood shattered the old me in a million ways. Watching Luna grow and thrive purely off of what my body is making for her put me back together into a new person. My scars and stretch marks are a reminder that I am not who I once was but that’s a beautiful thing.“

Anonymous

“My birthmarks- I have them all over but my most prominent is the one on my left arm. When I was young my mom wanted to get me into modeling but I was turned away due to my birth marks. So I’m really excited for this to be showcased. In high school my friends would outline it with pen and we realized one looks like the apple logo. My stretch marks- who knew they werent on every body? I was probably in my twenties when I realized that this was something women worried about getting when pregnant but I’ve had them since before I can remember so I’m actually really comfortable with them and have learned to completely accept them as they are.”

Sarah

(she/her)

“My scars are part of my journey. My biggest is my thyroidectomy scar on my neck and collar bone. My breasts have stretch marks from kids and a scar under each breast from my breast enhancement surgery. I have scars on my belly button and below from my tubal surgery. Each scar represents a journey I went through in my life.“

Julia

(she/her)

“I am proud of my scars and stretch marks. My back is a mosaic of scars from different surgeries which started at 16. I am a nurse and have been attacked in the workplace more than once. 2011 was the last time I worked as a floor nurse because of my last incident with a combative patient resulting in herniations my neck and back. I’ve had multiple surgeries and procedures, accompanied by severe pain and depression. I had to learn to live my life to the fullest regardless of what I’ve lost. This helped me to be able to conceive my 3 miracles. They have helped me embrace my changed body and my stretch marks or “tiger stripes” as my 3 year old says. Thank you for this opportunity.”

Lauren

(she/her)

“My knee is probably the hardest to hide thought because it takes up most of my left leg. I have had three surgeries on it, with the last two being major repairs. It is frustrating because the pain is always there- and it’s not necessarily a “fun” story on how I got it. I wish I could say it was a surfing accident or maybe a battle with a shark- but no. It was a cart of pies… Ok- I know. It’s funny. I have always been the “biggest” friend. I was bullied for it. I was placed on medication about 6 years ago and my weight sky rocketed. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS and hypothyroidism, which finally made the struggle to lose the weight make a little more sense.  I’ve done every diet, joined a gym, basically come close to starving myself. Last year I was at the highest weight I have ever been. But I am learning to love who I am for exactly that. No matter the weight or how I look. I just turned 30 but have experienced quite a lifetime in those 30 years. I have been bullied relentlessly. I am a child of divorce. A sister of a brother with special needs. I have lost many friends for what seems to be no reason. I have lost family that I wasn’t ready to lose. I have always been the anxious one. You can ask my mom and she’ll tell you I was a worrier from the time I was little. Anxiety has always been a part of my life. Which eventually caused my depression. I have had two mental health hospitalizations, the most recent being after an attempt on my life. I also suffer from PTSD. That is probably the biggest scar on my heart. One that I am still working on repairing, even though it has been 8 years. It is something I talk about but not often. Maybe someday.. But I keep on going- that is why the Semicolon Project is so important to me and why I am so excited to paint the scars on my body. Because no matter what I keep going. Every day I become a little less broken;“

Jocelyn

(she/her)

“I would love to showcase my stretch marks on my shoulders and stomach. I also have some minor laparoscopic scars on my belly. I had weight loss surgery and I’m still learning to love my body and skin afterwards no matter how loose. After years of eating disorder struggles I want to show what my body has gotten me through including a pregnancy that I never thought possible.”

Anonymous

“I am a survivor of an abusive ex husband (phew that took a lot to admit and type). The moment I knew it had gone past the point of no return was a night my then husband had me pinned to the bed by my shoulders close to my neck. It all stemmed from an argument because he didn’t want me to go out that night. At the time, I thought it was going to take a miracle for me to survive. There was something about the look in his eyes that still send chills up my spin. The abuse and going through a divorce shattered me.
Over 10 years later, I am so much stronger than I was then. I have a husband that makes me feel more secure than I ever thought possible. But, in my most vulnerable moments I am reminded that there is still a lot of healing left to go. I never feel 100% safe. There’s always a part deep inside that worries he will find us. I still flinch if someone comes near my neck. I still don’t fully trust myself and my decision making. But, I’m making progress and that feels like a major victory.”

Olive

(she/her)

“I want my stretch marks on my stomach painted as they hold so much of a story for me. I was always overweight as a child and eventually it turned into being classified as morbidly obese. I can’t begin to tell you how many things I’ve turned down because of the way I looked. Health also played an important part. I didn’t have the capability of doing certain things because I knew I would over-exert myself. Eventually, I made the ultimate choice of having weight loss surgery to make me healthier. At first, I really struggled. My weight was dropping excessively, but I still saw someone in the mirror that I detested. It took months of therapy, meditation, and healing to accept myself for the way I am. I now look at those beautiful striations along my stomach and am reminded of a woman empowered to make a change to better herself. I touch them and know that the me two years ago would be proud of the person I am today. And to be proud of all of me. Every dimple, beauty mark, fold of loose skin. Every single stretch mark that has carried my body for the past 29 years.”

Jenny

(she/her)

“I struggled for years with body dysmorphia and a raging eating disorder. Having an unexpected Cesarian, was always one of my fears. We almost lost our beautiful little girl, as they tried to unwrap the cord from her neck, they put her back in to free her, and she decided to suck in her first breath. She was lifeless and limp. She was on a cooling mat for days before we even got to hold her. It was a life changing experience all the way around. I earned this scar WITH her in this experience. We survived together. And now I get to SHOW her. I am now leading her, learning to embrace this new version of my body, in all it’s perfect imperfections. This shoot could not of been more divinely timed. I am so grateful to be a part of something so healing.”

Anonymous

“I had a surgical hernia repair. I had gained a lot of weight during the pandemic, and then lost a lot while waiting for the surgery. My stomach is permanently different now on the outside, but I’m able to do a lot of things that were impossible for me because of the pain. I’ve been chubby since puberty. I always struggled to lose weight, but during the pandemic it became a rapid, uncontrollable climb. An endocrinologist finally diagnosed me with PCOS, and prescribed me a medication to help control it. The side effects were so immediate and so violent that I gave myself an umbilical hernia. I lost a lot of weight in the time I waited for my hernia surgery because of the pain. Then I lost more right after because the binder was so uncomfortable. Now that I don’t have the binder on 24/7 and I can’t take the medication, I’m scared weight will creep back on. My stomach is permanently different now on the outside, but I’m able to do a lot of things that were impossible for me because of the pain.

Jamie

(she/her)

“The EKG on my chest represents the ablation on my heart when I was 19, which was terrifying then but seems like such a small blip in history now. The stretch marks I’ve earned on my thighs and butt display the change in my body from adolescence to womanhood. Marks and scars, visible or not, aren’t a negative addition, they are just reminders to me of everything that I have already overcome.”

Anonymous

“I developed vitiligo when I was about 6. People would see my legs and hands and often ask questions, thinking I had bad burns or peeling skin.  I struggled to explain it when I was younger but growing through it I now love talking about it. The differences in skin color, texture and tone on my body are unique to me and are always changing as I grow to love it more! 

Cute story? Recently my nephew came up to me and pointed at my feet with such concern in his eyes and asked “boo boo?” At first I wasn’t sure his question but he pointed right to my vitiligo and asked again! It was such a precious moment, I told him I wasn’t hurt but that my skin had different colors in some spots. He touched my hands and feet gently then smiled and moved on. Showing him the different ways people could look was such a special moment. Now he always goes out of his way to rub my knuckles when we hold hands or play games together. I love knowing that if he sees someone else with different skin now he will be curious and accepting, just like I hoped for as a kid/ teenager with vitiligo.”

Emma

(she/her)

“I don’t have many visible scars, but living with chronic illnesses takes a toll on the way I see my body. I have always struggled with the invalidation from peers who see a visually normal person and assume that all is well, and I admittedly wondered if I would fit into the Kintsugi concept at all. 

After encouragement from some good friends, I decided it was important to share my body’s story, to celebrate its strength, and to let others with an “invisible illness” know they are worthy of that same love! 

I decided to paint my “hot spots”, the areas that frequently flare up in pain. Now instead of seeing weakness, I am starting to view my body’s resilience in all its beauty.” 

Abigail

(she/her)

“I decided I wanted to showcase my abdominal scars for this shoot. When I was 17 I had invasive and traumatizing tests to figure out that the pain I was having was from a dermoid cyst the size of a grapefruit. They removed it and left a scar similar to a c-section scar. Years later, after fighting with doctors for over 8 months to figure out what my symptoms were from, I got diagnosed at age 23 with colon cancer that was caused by a genetic disorder called Lynch Syndrome. I had a total colectomy and tumor removal laproscopically. 3 months later, I woke up in the worst pain of my life and was rushed into emergency exploratory surgery where they found that my intestines had ruptured where that reconnected them the first time, and placed a permanent ostomy. I LOVE my ostomy bag. It gave me back my quality of life and now I get to make the best poop jokes!”

Lucia

(she/her)

“I have 6 small scars on my stomach from bariatric surgery. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life, and surgery has helped me lose 102 pounds and gain the motivation to be a healthier me, mentally and physically. I’m proud of my little surgery scars themselves, although I don’t show my stomach – pretty much ever. I have stretch marks along my thighs and hips because of the lifetime of weight fluctuations, as well as loose skin on my stomach, breasts, and arms from the weight loss. It’s very difficult to see my body unclothed, even though my surgery and weight loss journey has been a success. The loose skin bothers me a lot and because of the intense body dysmorphia I struggle with daily, sometimes I feel as self-conscious about these parts as I did 102 pounds ago.”

Suzanna

(she/her)

“I have PCOS and I’ve struggled with my weight since I was 8 years old. I’ve always felt self conscious of my body because it wasn’t what the media portrayed as “beautiful.” Growing up, I was afraid to wear certain things because of my weight. I never wore things like sundresses or bikinis because I’d always been told to hide my body being overweight. I really disliked how I looked. Most days, I hated seeing myself in the mirror. I’ve battled with self confidence issues for years but recently I’ve been working on having a healthier lifestyle, a more positive mindset and really embracing who I am. For me, that means dyeing my hair fun colors and getting piercings and tattoos. I finally feel like who I’m meant to be. I feel more like myself in the last three years than I have in my entire life. I wear things that make me happy, things my younger self never would have even dreamed of wearing. For the first time in my life, I feel beautiful and confident and strong. I can finally say I love myself and the woman I’ve become – stretch marks and all!”

Ro

(she/her)

“Like many people I have a variety of scars that tell different stories. I have scars on my hands since childhood from chronic skin picking. It is a body focused repetitive behavior as a result of anxiety. I have scars on my back as well from this. The medical term for this behavior is dermatilomania. I also suffer from extreme dry skin known as xerosis or xeroderma which makes it difficult to control the skin picking in addition to my anxiety. The scar on my forehead is a result of an accident I had as a child in 3rd grade. While swinging on a swing in a playground, my anxiety got the better of me. I let go of the swing, fell down and when I sat back up, the metal swing hit me. More than a several stitches later, I have this scar on my forehead that’s reminds me of the extreme anxiety I’ve had since childhood. The scars on my abdomen and in my navel are from a partial hysterectomy I had two years ago due to fibroids. I’ve had fibroids for most of my life and over the years they began to become troublesome. Eventually growing to be pretty large and growing rapidly. I’m glad that I had the procedure because it’s provided great relief but it is also a reminder of my age and how quickly time is passing. Life is short and this reminds me often.”

Bruna

(she/her)

“13 years ago, I was in a tumultuous, and volatile relationship. One that left me with multiple permanent physical injuries. Some visible, some not. However, it wasn’t until that night that I received this injury that I was truly afraid for my life. It was the incident that drove home the fact that anyone willing to me this much, could kill me. I got help. I left. I made sure I did everything in my power to keep it from happening again. I learned my strength, and found my voice. I survived. “

Nelly

(she/her)

“I want to show off my stomach, I went through major weight loss and have 4 amazing children. I earned my stripes and I think it’s time to embrace the body that created it.”

Ashleigh

(she/her)

“From as young as I can remember I have suffered emotional and physical abuse from my parents. This abuse has come with emotional and physical scars. For my entire life my body and mind has been in fighter flight mode. I suffer from extreme complex PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. I have attempted to take my own life because the abuse. I grew up being told I was nothing, that I spent almost my whole life living in that mindset. The scar on my wrist is from a altercation I had with one of my parents. The scar on my throat is from a life threatening medical issue that my parents told me I was too dramatic. My stretch marks are from over eating to comfort. I survived it all. “

Lyss

(they/them)

“It changes you. Mentally and physically, everything that gave me these scars changed me. Childbirth, physical abuse, and self harm aren’t light topics, but my new and changed brain forced me to see them as something less than serious. Human brains are built for survival and protection, and that’s what mine did from every thing that scarred me. I only remember patches of some things. Childbirth sucks. I think we’re told to only talk about the good aspects of it because if we shared the true terror and ugly bits to pregnancy then no one would have kids. I’m not going to pretend mine was especially traumatic, but my son was breach when I went into labor and that meant a c-section. And now I carry two reminders that while I gave birth, I am not anything more than his birth parent. When I was 20, I was diagnosed with autism. Going through life without that diagnosis was less than fun. And while I was too much for my mom, an aunt of mine was determined to “fix me”. I never seemed to live up to her expectations, and I don’t think I ever will. She didn’t understand me and didn’t want to learn. And one night it boiled over and gave me scars, some more visible than others. To this day I don’t talk about it more than this. It’s heavy and surreal. I never thought I’d live past 24. And one night I just, I thought it was time. I’ve never seen so thankful that I slipped. That the intent was there but nothing else. That even when I tried other ways my brain wanted to live. And I’m here. Living.”

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Tirena

 (she/her)

My stomach scars are from hours of waist training, it’s been a part of my training process, sometimes your body doesn’t want to shrink down to size, it’s a reminder you can try to hide, shrink down to size but maybe you’re not suppose to. My scars are part of my journey as evolving as a woman. So a couple battle scars are OKAY I’ve been through a lot and I’m proud I’m handling life through all the ups and downs, bruises, scars, marks and all.”

Anonymous

“I have stretch marks all over my body, I was 350 pounds at one point but the stretch marks started before the weight, they began with my height in 6th grade on my knees. During highschool and college I put on double my body weight and eventually decided I needed to love my body again but that involved me changing my lifestyle. I have lost 180 pounds in the last 5 years. I just turned 30 and I want to celebrate how hard my body has worked for me, self love is a newer concept for me and I think my stretch marks tell an incredible story.”

Sandy

(she/her)

“The majority of my scarring is emotional. I am a survivor of domestic violence in 2017 that left me with PTSD symptoms that I struggle to manage on a daily basis. Though the bruising and indications of abuse may have faded, the anxiety and panic attacks and depression often feel just as real as those marks once were. I have an extensive history of trauma and I believe metaphorically my emotional scarring could paint my whole body gold. I am very proud of myself though for my resilience and ability to keep going when time and time again the world seems to be against me and I think it’s a beautiful to view your scars as signs of strength. I do not have any major scarring on my body but I do have stretch marks from my weight fluctuation which are a constant reminder of how body dysmorphia can really make it challenging to accept that your body is beautiful exactly how it is. I now see them as my tiger stripes which can be filled with gold to show that my body is exactly as it was meant to be and that it should be celebrated.”

Marysia

(she/her)
“My left arm is full of scars from when I self-harmed 17 years ago. As a child, I went through some pretty upsetting stuff which I bottled up for years. Unfortunately, I ended up taking it out on myself in my teenage years. I’ve since gained a lot of self-confidence, some closure from my past, and learned healthy ways of coping with my emotions. I no longer hide my scars, and I’m at a place where I’d rather people ask instead of just stare or judge. I’m not who I was 17+ years ago and I deserve to be seen for who the strong and resilient woman I am today. My scars are only a part of my story, and I’m so grateful to have taken part of the kintsugi boudoir photoshoot. Having a safe place and accepting people cheering me on was such a relief.”

Kolleen

(she/her)
“Growing up in poverty, food insecurity and disordered eating broke me over and over again throughout my youth, teen years, and into adulthood. My obesity came from fear and an instinct to survive that triggered lifelong binge-eating habits. I lived in shame of the habits I felt too powerless to break from. I hated the person I had become, but I so badly wanted to love her. I made a tough love decision to undergo gastric sleeve surgery. After changing my diet, my habits, going through physical therapy, walks, hikes, runs, yoga, ballroom dance, and boxing, I had lost 140 lbs. Looking in the mirror, there was no question in my mind (although I’d never considered it even months prior): I was going to have plastic surgery to address the areas of my body that had been impacted by my rapid weight loss and continue toward becoming the physical self I saw in my mind’s eye.
My scars are from my extended belt lipectomy (lower torso), breast lift and augmentation, and torsoplasty, as well as stretch marks that will always be there to remind me of the incredible malleability of the human body. In August, I’ll be adding to my Kintsugi with an arm lift and thigh lift as well.
I am beautiful and strong *because* I’ve been broken — not despite it.”

Sarah

(she/her)

 

“I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2021. I had a non-nipple sparing bilateral mastectomy. I then had a chemo port inserted near my arm pit and had 6 chemo treatments. My breast reconstruction was done in a 10.5 hr surgery using my abdominal fat and skin. I have an abdominal scar that runs from hip to hip. My nipples were reconstructed in a separate surgery. The final stage will be nipple tattoos, but this is scheduled for 4 months from now. So now I am working to heal myself physically and mentally from all this, my hair is slowly growing back. And eventually my scars will fade. But this experience has left deep scars inside that i expect will take much longer to heal.”

Jamie

“Pregnancy and motherhood shattered the old me in a million ways. Watching Luna grow and thrive purely off of what my body is making for her put me back together into a new person. My scars and stretch marks are a reminder that I am not who I once was but that’s a beautiful thing.“

Anonymous

“My birthmarks- I have them all over but my most prominent is the one on my left arm. When I was young my mom wanted to get me into modeling but I was turned away due to my birth marks. So I’m really excited for this to be showcased. In high school my friends would outline it with pen and we realized one looks like the apple logo. My stretch marks- who knew they werent on every body? I was probably in my twenties when I realized that this was something women worried about getting when pregnant but I’ve had them since before I can remember so I’m actually really comfortable with them and have learned to completely accept them as they are.”

Sarah

(she/her)

“My scars are part of my journey. My biggest is my thyroidectomy scar on my neck and collar bone. My breasts have stretch marks from kids and a scar under each breast from my breast enhancement surgery. I have scars on my belly button and below from my tubal surgery. Each scar represents a journey I went through in my life.“

Julia

(she/her)

“I am proud of my scars and stretch marks. My back is a mosaic of scars from different surgeries which started at 16. I am a nurse and have been attacked in the workplace more than once. 2011 was the last time I worked as a floor nurse because of my last incident with a combative patient resulting in herniations my neck and back. I’ve had multiple surgeries and procedures, accompanied by severe pain and depression. I had to learn to live my life to the fullest regardless of what I’ve lost. This helped me to be able to conceive my 3 miracles. They have helped me embrace my changed body and my stretch marks or “tiger stripes” as my 3 year old says. Thank you for this opportunity.”

Lauren

(she/her)

“My knee is probably the hardest to hide thought because it takes up most of my left leg. I have had three surgeries on it, with the last two being major repairs. It is frustrating because the pain is always there- and it’s not necessarily a “fun” story on how I got it. I wish I could say it was a surfing accident or maybe a battle with a shark- but no. It was a cart of pies… Ok- I know. It’s funny. I have always been the “biggest” friend. I was bullied for it. I was placed on medication about 6 years ago and my weight sky rocketed. Then I was diagnosed with PCOS and hypothyroidism, which finally made the struggle to lose the weight make a little more sense.  I’ve done every diet, joined a gym, basically come close to starving myself. Last year I was at the highest weight I have ever been. But I am learning to love who I am for exactly that. No matter the weight or how I look. I just turned 30 but have experienced quite a lifetime in those 30 years. I have been bullied relentlessly. I am a child of divorce. A sister of a brother with special needs. I have lost many friends for what seems to be no reason. I have lost family that I wasn’t ready to lose. I have always been the anxious one. You can ask my mom and she’ll tell you I was a worrier from the time I was little. Anxiety has always been a part of my life. Which eventually caused my depression. I have had two mental health hospitalizations, the most recent being after an attempt on my life. I also suffer from PTSD. That is probably the biggest scar on my heart. One that I am still working on repairing, even though it has been 8 years. It is something I talk about but not often. Maybe someday.. But I keep on going- that is why the Semicolon Project is so important to me and why I am so excited to paint the scars on my body. Because no matter what I keep going. Every day I become a little less broken;“

Jocelyn

(she/her)

“I would love to showcase my stretch marks on my shoulders and stomach. I also have some minor laparoscopic scars on my belly. I had weight loss surgery and I’m still learning to love my body and skin afterwards no matter how loose. After years of eating disorder struggles I want to show what my body has gotten me through including a pregnancy that I never thought possible.”

Anonymous

“I am a survivor of an abusive ex husband (phew that took a lot to admit and type). The moment I knew it had gone past the point of no return was a night my then husband had me pinned to the bed by my shoulders close to my neck. It all stemmed from an argument because he didn’t want me to go out that night. At the time, I thought it was going to take a miracle for me to survive. There was something about the look in his eyes that still send chills up my spin. The abuse and going through a divorce shattered me.
Over 10 years later, I am so much stronger than I was then. I have a husband that makes me feel more secure than I ever thought possible. But, in my most vulnerable moments I am reminded that there is still a lot of healing left to go. I never feel 100% safe. There’s always a part deep inside that worries he will find us. I still flinch if someone comes near my neck. I still don’t fully trust myself and my decision making. But, I’m making progress and that feels like a major victory.”

Olive

(she/her)

“I want my stretch marks on my stomach painted as they hold so much of a story for me. I was always overweight as a child and eventually it turned into being classified as morbidly obese. I can’t begin to tell you how many things I’ve turned down because of the way I looked. Health also played an important part. I didn’t have the capability of doing certain things because I knew I would over-exert myself. Eventually, I made the ultimate choice of having weight loss surgery to make me healthier. At first, I really struggled. My weight was dropping excessively, but I still saw someone in the mirror that I detested. It took months of therapy, meditation, and healing to accept myself for the way I am. I now look at those beautiful striations along my stomach and am reminded of a woman empowered to make a change to better herself. I touch them and know that the me two years ago would be proud of the person I am today. And to be proud of all of me. Every dimple, beauty mark, fold of loose skin. Every single stretch mark that has carried my body for the past 29 years.”

Jenny

(she/her)

“I struggled for years with body dysmorphia and a raging eating disorder. Having an unexpected Cesarian, was always one of my fears. We almost lost our beautiful little girl, as they tried to unwrap the cord from her neck, they put her back in to free her, and she decided to suck in her first breath. She was lifeless and limp. She was on a cooling mat for days before we even got to hold her. It was a life changing experience all the way around. I earned this scar WITH her in this experience. We survived together. And now I get to SHOW her. I am now leading her, learning to embrace this new version of my body, in all it’s perfect imperfections. This shoot could not of been more divinely timed. I am so grateful to be a part of something so healing.”

Anonymous

“I had a surgical hernia repair. I had gained a lot of weight during the pandemic, and then lost a lot while waiting for the surgery. My stomach is permanently different now on the outside, but I’m able to do a lot of things that were impossible for me because of the pain. I’ve been chubby since puberty. I always struggled to lose weight, but during the pandemic it became a rapid, uncontrollable climb. An endocrinologist finally diagnosed me with PCOS, and prescribed me a medication to help control it. The side effects were so immediate and so violent that I gave myself an umbilical hernia. I lost a lot of weight in the time I waited for my hernia surgery because of the pain. Then I lost more right after because the binder was so uncomfortable. Now that I don’t have the binder on 24/7 and I can’t take the medication, I’m scared weight will creep back on. My stomach is permanently different now on the outside, but I’m able to do a lot of things that were impossible for me because of the pain.

Jamie

(she/her)

“The EKG on my chest represents the ablation on my heart when I was 19, which was terrifying then but seems like such a small blip in history now. The stretch marks I’ve earned on my thighs and butt display the change in my body from adolescence to womanhood. Marks and scars, visible or not, aren’t a negative addition, they are just reminders to me of everything that I have already overcome.”

Anonymous

“I developed vitiligo when I was about 6. People would see my legs and hands and often ask questions, thinking I had bad burns or peeling skin.  I struggled to explain it when I was younger but growing through it I now love talking about it. The differences in skin color, texture and tone on my body are unique to me and are always changing as I grow to love it more! 

Cute story? Recently my nephew came up to me and pointed at my feet with such concern in his eyes and asked “boo boo?” At first I wasn’t sure his question but he pointed right to my vitiligo and asked again! It was such a precious moment, I told him I wasn’t hurt but that my skin had different colors in some spots. He touched my hands and feet gently then smiled and moved on. Showing him the different ways people could look was such a special moment. Now he always goes out of his way to rub my knuckles when we hold hands or play games together. I love knowing that if he sees someone else with different skin now he will be curious and accepting, just like I hoped for as a kid/ teenager with vitiligo.”

Emma

(she/her)

“I don’t have many visible scars, but living with chronic illnesses takes a toll on the way I see my body. I have always struggled with the invalidation from peers who see a visually normal person and assume that all is well, and I admittedly wondered if I would fit into the Kintsugi concept at all. 

After encouragement from some good friends, I decided it was important to share my body’s story, to celebrate its strength, and to let others with an “invisible illness” know they are worthy of that same love! 

I decided to paint my “hot spots”, the areas that frequently flare up in pain. Now instead of seeing weakness, I am starting to view my body’s resilience in all its beauty.” 

Abigail

(she/her)

“I decided I wanted to showcase my abdominal scars for this shoot. When I was 17 I had invasive and traumatizing tests to figure out that the pain I was having was from a dermoid cyst the size of a grapefruit. They removed it and left a scar similar to a c-section scar. Years later, after fighting with doctors for over 8 months to figure out what my symptoms were from, I got diagnosed at age 23 with colon cancer that was caused by a genetic disorder called Lynch Syndrome. I had a total colectomy and tumor removal laproscopically. 3 months later, I woke up in the worst pain of my life and was rushed into emergency exploratory surgery where they found that my intestines had ruptured where that reconnected them the first time, and placed a permanent ostomy. I LOVE my ostomy bag. It gave me back my quality of life and now I get to make the best poop jokes!”

Lucia

(she/her)

“I have 6 small scars on my stomach from bariatric surgery. I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life, and surgery has helped me lose 102 pounds and gain the motivation to be a healthier me, mentally and physically. I’m proud of my little surgery scars themselves, although I don’t show my stomach – pretty much ever. I have stretch marks along my thighs and hips because of the lifetime of weight fluctuations, as well as loose skin on my stomach, breasts, and arms from the weight loss. It’s very difficult to see my body unclothed, even though my surgery and weight loss journey has been a success. The loose skin bothers me a lot and because of the intense body dysmorphia I struggle with daily, sometimes I feel as self-conscious about these parts as I did 102 pounds ago.”

Suzanna

(she/her)

“I have PCOS and I’ve struggled with my weight since I was 8 years old. I’ve always felt self conscious of my body because it wasn’t what the media portrayed as “beautiful.” Growing up, I was afraid to wear certain things because of my weight. I never wore things like sundresses or bikinis because I’d always been told to hide my body being overweight. I really disliked how I looked. Most days, I hated seeing myself in the mirror. I’ve battled with self confidence issues for years but recently I’ve been working on having a healthier lifestyle, a more positive mindset and really embracing who I am. For me, that means dyeing my hair fun colors and getting piercings and tattoos. I finally feel like who I’m meant to be. I feel more like myself in the last three years than I have in my entire life. I wear things that make me happy, things my younger self never would have even dreamed of wearing. For the first time in my life, I feel beautiful and confident and strong. I can finally say I love myself and the woman I’ve become – stretch marks and all!”

Ro

(she/her)

“Like many people I have a variety of scars that tell different stories. I have scars on my hands since childhood from chronic skin picking. It is a body focused repetitive behavior as a result of anxiety. I have scars on my back as well from this. The medical term for this behavior is dermatilomania. I also suffer from extreme dry skin known as xerosis or xeroderma which makes it difficult to control the skin picking in addition to my anxiety. The scar on my forehead is a result of an accident I had as a child in 3rd grade. While swinging on a swing in a playground, my anxiety got the better of me. I let go of the swing, fell down and when I sat back up, the metal swing hit me. More than a several stitches later, I have this scar on my forehead that’s reminds me of the extreme anxiety I’ve had since childhood. The scars on my abdomen and in my navel are from a partial hysterectomy I had two years ago due to fibroids. I’ve had fibroids for most of my life and over the years they began to become troublesome. Eventually growing to be pretty large and growing rapidly. I’m glad that I had the procedure because it’s provided great relief but it is also a reminder of my age and how quickly time is passing. Life is short and this reminds me often.”

Bruna

(she/her)

“13 years ago, I was in a tumultuous, and volatile relationship. One that left me with multiple permanent physical injuries. Some visible, some not. However, it wasn’t until that night that I received this injury that I was truly afraid for my life. It was the incident that drove home the fact that anyone willing to me this much, could kill me. I got help. I left. I made sure I did everything in my power to keep it from happening again. I learned my strength, and found my voice. I survived. “

Nelly

(she/her)

“I want to show off my stomach, I went through major weight loss and have 4 amazing children. I earned my stripes and I think it’s time to embrace the body that created it.”

Ashleigh

(she/her)

“From as young as I can remember I have suffered emotional and physical abuse from my parents. This abuse has come with emotional and physical scars. For my entire life my body and mind has been in fighter flight mode. I suffer from extreme complex PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. I have attempted to take my own life because the abuse. I grew up being told I was nothing, that I spent almost my whole life living in that mindset. The scar on my wrist is from a altercation I had with one of my parents. The scar on my throat is from a life threatening medical issue that my parents told me I was too dramatic. My stretch marks are from over eating to comfort. I survived it all. “

Lyss

(they/them)

“It changes you. Mentally and physically, everything that gave me these scars changed me. Childbirth, physical abuse, and self harm aren’t light topics, but my new and changed brain forced me to see them as something less than serious. Human brains are built for survival and protection, and that’s what mine did from every thing that scarred me. I only remember patches of some things. Childbirth sucks. I think we’re told to only talk about the good aspects of it because if we shared the true terror and ugly bits to pregnancy then no one would have kids. I’m not going to pretend mine was especially traumatic, but my son was breach when I went into labor and that meant a c-section. And now I carry two reminders that while I gave birth, I am not anything more than his birth parent. When I was 20, I was diagnosed with autism. Going through life without that diagnosis was less than fun. And while I was too much for my mom, an aunt of mine was determined to “fix me”. I never seemed to live up to her expectations, and I don’t think I ever will. She didn’t understand me and didn’t want to learn. And one night it boiled over and gave me scars, some more visible than others. To this day I don’t talk about it more than this. It’s heavy and surreal. I never thought I’d live past 24. And one night I just, I thought it was time. I’ve never seen so thankful that I slipped. That the intent was there but nothing else. That even when I tried other ways my brain wanted to live. And I’m here. Living.”

Book Your Kintsugi Shoot!
Book Your Kintsugi Shoot!

Book Your “Healing with Kintsugi” Boudoir Shoot below!

 

These photo shoots are for women, trans women, and non-binary people who are comfortable being in spaces surrounding women’s experiences.

There is no scar or trauma too big or too small to be able to be photographed! We will talk about what you are interested in showcasing at your shoot and I’ll help you with posing and direction that will lead to your vision.

These shoots are also able to be private, and NOT shared publicly if you wish. The level of undress is completely up to you and your comfortability when you are at the shoot, and we will talk further about these details on our phone consultation as well!

These shoots will be held on Sept 8th & 11th at our studio in Allentown, NJ. 45-minute time slots will be available starting at 10am.

Kintsugi Boudoir Photo Shoot New Jersey
“Healing with Kintsugi” Limited Session – $300

A portion of the proceeds will be donated to the NEDA, National Eating Disorder Foundation –  https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

Kintsugi Boudoir Session Includes:

  • 10-minute planning consultation phone call with help on finding outfits, and to answer any other questions!
  • 15-20 minute session with 1-2 outfits.
  • 10 full-res photos from your shoot through digital download!
  • Post-shoot guide to help yourself continue your healing process.

 

Book Your Kintsugi Shoot Now!

Fill out the form below to start your journey with me!

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